So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
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