you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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