All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
