Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
