they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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