Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
