Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
