just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Found your dick twin last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
