everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
