im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
