I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
