i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
