I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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