If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
