I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
