I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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