Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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