Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
