we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
