Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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