You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
