the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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