I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
