I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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