carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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