Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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