Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
