last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
