Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
