i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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