Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
