I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
