Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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