I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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