Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
