no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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