After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
