Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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