He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
