his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
