Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
