I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
