yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
