mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
