he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
