Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
where am i from again
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
