I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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