im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
