I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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