I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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