Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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