if only i could text you this smell
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
