can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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